RIP Michael

Dear God,

It's truly sad that Michael Jackson has gone, for once he was just a little boy with real sweetness and a powerful voice. But you know, you can have all the live-in doctors that you want, but turning your face into that of a monster's, surrounding yourself with syncophants, and ignoring health problems that clearly need attention is going to catch up with you.

And so Michael Jackson has died and many, many people are beside themselves with grief. In the meanwhile, I'm feeling pretty good. Because as closely as we at Entergy Vermont Yankee match the worst things about his profile (monstrous looking, syncophant-sourrounded, and staffed and tended by people purposefully ignoring warning signs) we haven't died. In fact, we've repaired our most recent leak! So that's great news!

Deepak Chopra wrote a bit of a eulogy for Michael, and in it he said that what began for Michael as idiosyncrasy was ravaged by obsessions, paranoia, and isolation.

I think even Michael's biggest defenders would not quarrel with that. And, God, I'm happy to report that we may be monstrous looking and syncophant sourrounded etc., but we're much, much healthier than Michael. Yes, what began for us as idiosyncracy—in our case, a desire to produce cheap, clean energy and a belief that we knew how—was eventually ravaged by greed, paranoia, and isolation. But Michael had only one live-in doctor, and we've got a whole crew of maintenance guys.

In fact, I'd say we're looking pretty good right about now. Feeling good, too. Governor Douglas is still going to the mat for us. The embarrassing decommissioning fund problems we've been having have been revealed to be fairly typical of our industry. And cooling towers? Hah! Who can remember cooling towers when it's summertime and the living is easy! That and the news cycles have been grabbed by Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett-Major, and Michael Jackson.

You know what, Lord? I'm so glad that public attention has been "stolen" by entertainment industry tragedies that I'm going to take off not just the evening but the entire weekend! The whole bunch of us in PR is going to run around happy as celebrities in short skirts and no underpants. Let's hope, though, that no papparazi get a shot up our skirts. 'Cause under them are a host of condenser problems, financial concerns, political folderol, and maybe even some drug and gambling problems that we'd rather keep tucked away.

In the meanwhile, it's "Don't cry for us, Elizabeth Taylor!"

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I Can See Russia from the Fenceline!

Dear God,

Actually, I can't see Russia from within our current perimeter. And that's a problem I'm working on. If Entergy Vermont Yankee and I have our way, the plant's fenceline will be within whisper distance to our neighbors to the northwestoreast, wherever Russia happens to be at the moment.

What am I going on about? I'm talking about America. American values. American ingenuity. Um. There's more than one American way to torture an innocent cat. If the fenceline dose is too high, move the fenceline!

And that's what we're going to do. Screw political correctness. And screw the elementary school across the street, while you're at it.


My Hero

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Condenser Leaks Are the New Black

Dear God,

Just saying. We were warned by Arnie Gundersen during the uprate hearings that our condenser is so old and decrepit it's lucky to withstand gravity. So now that we've sprung another condenser leak—and the one from April of 2008 has yet to be found and fixed—we'd better make them look less like pestilence and more like a fashion choice. Here goes:

CONDENSER LEAKS: THEY'RE THE NEW BLACK!

• Indian Point gets them.
  
  
  
  
• Davis-Besse gets them.
  
  
  
  
• Angelina Jolie gets them.
  
  
  

And it's not like they're dangerous or anything. Worst thing that can happen may be that our condenser gets flooded by river water, ruined, and we close down the plant for good and stick the state of Vermont with a huge decommissioning liability.

And if we can't succeed with the "fashion choice" tactic, I'm hoping maybe we can get people to think about condenser leaks along the same lines that they're thinking about Prince's double hip replacement.

"Prince—So Hip He Needs Two New Ones."

You see, Prince, like us, is refusing to put time and money into maintenance. He just can't seem to do the necessary repairs. From Showbiz411.com:

"He’s in a lot of pain,” said a source who was backstage with him … at the Apollo. “He’s popping pain killers and hoping it will all go away."

So are we.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Anti-Assertiveness Training

Dear God,

I hope you haven’t missed me? I haven’t prayed in a while, I know? But it’s not arrogance that has stopped me? I actually hope that you can see that I'm feeling meek? Scared? Questioning? Brimming with polite curiosity? At least that's the attitude I'm trying to project?

That's because Entergy is catching a lot of flak for threatening to sue the state of Vermont if it asks us to top off the Decommissioning Fund?

People are also starting to catch on that Vermont Yankee did not, as we've claimed, get a "pass" from the Vermont Yankee Oversight Panel? You'll remember that it uncovered more than $100 million in deferred maintenance on components? Furthermore, according to Arnie Gundersen in an editorial in the Reformer, “Nationally, most nuclear plants replace their condensers between 20 and 30 years of operation? VY's condenser has been operating for 37 years and Entergy has known the condenser had issues prior to its purchase of VY in 2002, yet chose to delay the repairs until at least 2014? The VYOP also found that VY's design could not be licensed today because it does not meet today's modern NRC design criteria?" (Actually, Arnie did not use question marks within that statement because he was feeling anything but meek when he wrote it?)

And did you know, God, that they've sprung quite a leak at Indian Point 2 Nuclear Power plant, one of our Entergy "sister" plants? According to The New York Times, "A one-and-a-half-inch hole caused by corrosion allowed about 100,000 gallons of water to escape from the main system that keeps the reactor cool immediately after any shutdown…?" The discovery of a leak of that magnitude has raised concerns about the monitoring of old, buried pipes at nuclear plants like ours?

What should I do? Like I said, we at Vermont Yankee have been told by the folks higher up at Entergy to appear obsequious in public? But when I answer my phone with a chipper yet pleading tone and hear the activists laughing, that's almost too much for poor, little me? Please don't tell me to escape to the Cayman Islands when my phone rings? Because our tax shelters there and our executive housing near the beach are going the way of the Republicans? So near to death, and quickly accelerating toward that white light?

To boost morale here at the plant while we all flex our humility muscles, I've xeroxed for everyone a little "feel good" song? I've burnt a copy as a sacrifice to you and the ashes should have arrived by now? Got it? Then sing it out loudly with us, Lord! (?)

Pretty please?

Grandmother's Song
by Steve Martin

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbors,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

(You sing here, God.) Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don't know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.

(We at Vermont Yankee sing here.) Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

(O.K. everybody!)

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.

Lord, let 'em hear you outside when you sing!

Amen?

Fake-Rob

I Went to a Christmas Party

Dear God,

Do you read The Reformer?

Tuesday, April 21
BRATTLEBORO -- A regional activist group opposed to the continued operation of Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant has asked Vermont Attorney General William Sorrell to investigate the relationship between a Vermont Yankee lobbyist and the state's … commissioner of the Department of Public Service.

The lobbyist is Jay Thayer, who also happens to be the former site vice president of Vermont Yankee. The commissioner is David O’Brien, and in December of 2008, O'Brien invited Thayer and a whole bunch of legislators and other people with whom Thayer might want to hobnob on behalf of VY to a Christmas party in O’Brien’s home. Knowing this, The New England Coalition has filed suit, saying that, as a regulator, O’Brien needs to maintain a strictly professional relationship with a representative of the company he regulates. This is especially important because, in order to continue generating power in the state of Vermont after its original license expires in 2012, VY must convince both O’Brien and the Public Service Board to grant it a certificate of public good.

Which it will most likely try to do. Everyone knows that Thayer and O’Brien have been BFFs for God knows how long, God. The folks of The New England Coalition have pissed and moaned about that before. But this is the first time in my memory that they’ve caught much press doing so. Why the change? Well, in the spirit of Passover, Lord, let me re-phrase that fundamental question to put it in keeping with the first question of the Pesach Haggadah, a question you heard emanating from millions of households only a little more than a week ago.

Why [was] this night different from all other nights?

The answer has nothing to do with slaves in Egypt being set free. It has to do, rather, with the presence at the party of legislators and, not incidentally, of representatives of the utilities. But it is probably the legislators about whom The New England Coalition is most concerned, for before the PSB can grant VY a certificate of public good, it must get legislative approval to do so. And the probability of the legislature giving that approval has become increasingly slim as time goes on and problems at the plant surface alongside news of the potential of alternative power sources.

Indeed, this morning’s Reformer reports that in a letter to the Vermont Attorney General, Robert "Jake" Stewart, president of the New England Coalition, wrote, "The spectacle of the commissioner socializing with the key lobbyist of a business that he has a duty to regulate; and worse, arranging the soirée to include members of the Legislature and utility representatives, underscores a growing public perception that both the department and the governor are tainted by partiality favoring the fortunes of Entergy Nuclear.”

Do you remember, God, how we at Vermont Yankee have all had training in evacuating in case of radiation emergency, and how the control room operators have had marijuana brownie training and the Wackenhut guards have had don’t-get-our-corporate-name-in-the-paper-again-by-sleeping-through-your-shift-like-they-do-at-other-Wackenhut-plants training as well as whatever-you-do-don't-moon-the-security-camera training, and how our maintenance department has had don’t-declare-the-leak-fixed-until-it’s-actually-stopped-dripping training? Well, I think that certain state officials need some don't-invite-the-lobbyists-unless-you-also-invite-the-activists training so that the media can stop focusing on fiascos like this and start playing up, instead, the fact that potassium iodide will continue to be distributed to potential evacuees within the 10 mile evacuation zone. (Yay!)

Having realized that a little training could go a long way, I’ve borrowed an old Ricky Nelson song. (It’s old to me, but it’s in fact a late song from his oeuvre. Shortly after recording this song he died in a fiery plane crash. Popular legend has it that the plane caught fire when Nelson and the band started freebasing cocaine in the cabin. But the NTSB says there is no evidence of that--though there is ample evidence that the crash was caused by inadequate technology maintenance. When I distribute the lyrics, I’ll make special note of that to our maintenance folk. “Listen up!” I always like to say with a meaningful smile.)

Anyway, although this song is largely pointless pablum, it does emphasize the fact that lots of people go to Christmas parties. Another good thing about it is it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it, Mr. Clark. And, finally, I like the “Lot-in-dah-dah-dah” stuff. Being a PR professional, I always feel warm and fuzzy when words get nonsensical.

And hey, God, you can get this song as a ring tone!

CHRISTMAS PARTY
(Mostly by Ricky Nelson)

I went to a Christmas party to reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
When I got to the Christmas party, they all knew my name
No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

CHORUS
But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

People came from miles around, everyone was there
Yoko brought her walrus, there was magic in the air
'N' over in the corner, much to my surprise
Mr. Hughes hid in Dylan's shoes wearing his disguise

CHORUS

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Played them all the old songs, thought that's why they came
No one heard the music, we didn't look the same
I said hello to "Mary Lou", she belongs to me
When I sang a song about a honky-tonk, it was time to leave

CHORUS

Lot-dah-dah-dah (Lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and out stepped Johnny B. Goode
Playing guitar like a-ringin' a bell and lookin' like he should
If you gotta play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta luck
But if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck

CHORUS

Lot-dah-dah-dah (Lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

'N' it's all right now, learned my lesson well
You see, ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself

Switch in your mind Mr. Hughes, Yoko Ono, Bob Dylan and Mary Lou for a few legislators, a utility exec or two, and a lobbyist, and you might be able to make some sense from all of that. Or maybe you won’t. Doesn’t matter; it’s fun to sing.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Free Cellphone Ringtone!

Dear God,

Tomorrow (April 16) the NRC will meet with Entergy about the NRC's assessment of the safety performance of the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Station for calendar year 2008. That meeting will happen from 3:30 - 5:30 PM at The Ramada Hotel & Conference Center, 1380 Putney Road, Brattleboro. Time will be provided for questions related to the 2008 assessment of Vermont Yankee.

Then, at 7, the NRC will host a Town Hall-type meeting at the same location. Questions will be allowed about the role of the NRC in ensuring safe plant operations.

I hope you come to these meetings, God, 'cause, together, they constitute the kind of event where Entergy might need you on its side. You see, I got the strangest email this morning. An actual but anonymous anti-nuke activist (I'm thinking) sent me a link to the meeting's "theme song," and suggested that I download it to my cell phone prior to the meeting. It's this:

Send Ringtone to Cell Phone

Original version by Leonard Cohen

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows that the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight is fixed
The poor stay poor and the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows that the boat is sinking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybodys got this broken feeling
Like their momma or there dog just died
Everybodys hands are in their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats the way it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that its now or never
Everybody knows that its me or you
Everybody knows that you live forever
When you had a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old black joe still pickin cotton
For ribbons and bows
Everybody knows you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you been faithful
Give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you been discrete
So many people you had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats the way it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats how it goes
And everybody knows

Send Ringtone to Cell Phone

A big, nervous "amen" to you, Lord,

Fake-Rob

NRC Hires David Lochbaum to Teach Them That Accidents Can Happen

Dear God,

David Lochbaum, a nuclear safety engineer who spent 12 years with the Union of Concerned Scientists, has been hired by the NRC to teach boiling water reactor technology to NRC employees in classroom and control room simulator sessions.

You're not alone, God. No one here knows what to think either. It's not necessarily a betrayal of Entergy that the NRC hired him. They were entirely within their rights to engage him or any scientist who has built his reputation in nuclear safety. Safety is actually supposed to be the primary concern of the NRC.

Even the activists aren't sure what to think. Was participating in employment talks with the NRC a conflict of interest for David Lochbaum as he served on the Vermont Yankee Public Oversight Panel? Well, he wasn't on the NRC's payroll at the time that he served on the panel. And, anyway, the NRC and the panel were not technically in adversarial positions regarding Entergy.

I know, I know. By advocating safety for 12 years, he may have been acting against the best interests of Entergy's fast money investors. But grow up, God. The world is changing. You win some; you lose some. Forgiveness is the new black.

Still, this whole thing does make me nervous. For the past several decades, the NRC has mollified many (and infuriated some) by promoting the idea that, as long as engineers and plant operators conform to standard procedure, safety is assured. Entergy has said essentially the same thing. Fitting tidily within the bell curve of acceptable performance is what really matters. But now, according to the Reformer, this Lochbaum guy says that his classroom approach will be a "reverse bell curve" one. He will teach about "the times when things work worse or better than expected."

"Better than expected" I know what to do with. Safecleanreliablebetterthanexpected.com anyone? But "worse than expected" acknowledges that nuclear plant operation can involve disastrous surprises. That's a trade secret that we and the NRC have guarded for thirty years now, and that he's cavalierly disclosed.

It may be time to cue the storm clouds and lawyers.

Amen,

Fake-Rob